The last few weeks have had me spinning. I feel like a falling star, flying through space and crashing into the Earth’s atmosphere, burning and reeling. The friction sets me on fire, but I feel so alive. There’s so much beauty in the star that falls. It’s glittering and effervescent and looks like magic to everyone who sees. And that’s how I feel. Even despite the friction and the fire, there’s still magic in everything.
It’s confusing, flying through space and time like that. I’m laughing with liberation as I fall for one moment, then crying in frustration the next. (Ah, the emotional ups and downs of the months following a breakup). There’s just so much happening that it’s hard to get a grasp on any one thing, any one theme or feeling.
It wasn’t until I was sitting in a tow truck, getting my car towed out of the parking lot (ugh) after a 10 hour work day that I realized it. I sat up there, windows rolled down, chatting with the towing guy about life, when a girl walking by said to her friend loudly “Man, someone’s having a bad day.” I looked at her, then at the towing guy, and laughed. “She’s judging me so hard right now,” I said to him. He chuckled and agreed. The thing was, I wasn’t having a bad day. I wasn’t even having a bad week, despite the fact that every single thing that could have gone wrong took the opportunity to do so. I mean, I’m not even having a bad last 3 months, even though I’m pretty sure people think I should still be shattered.
But in that moment, sitting in the cab of a tow truck with my car on the back, a flat tire, and pure exhaustion permeating throughout my body (and starving because it was way past my dinner-time), I realized I was happy. Despite my seemingly unfortunate circumstances, I really didn’t have any desire to complain. I actually thought it was funny. And that’s what I was missing before, what I couldn’t figure out about how I felt. There are moments of sadness, moments of irritation, moments of anger (plenty of them), but in those moments I was given a choice. I could choose to let those emotions suck me into a black hole (and probably a pity party) or I could choose to be content with my life despite those circumstances.
And in reality, I have so much to be happy about and so much to be thankful for. I may be having my car towed, but I’m thankful I have a car at all (and that it hasn’t died yet despite how poorly I treat it). My co-workers may have irritated me, but I’m thankful I have a job that I love. I may have been dumped, but I’m thankful that now I am so free to be myself and fall in love with my life. I’m thankful for the clouds in the sky that look like Toy Story clouds, for the smell of the streets after rain, for a good hair day, for Starbucks, for a cool breeze and the warmth of the sun on my face, for moments to dance for no reason. And then I feel myself come back to life.
Disappointments can be opportunities for good. Opportunities for growth, for new love, for happiness. They can be opportunities to inspire others. So instead of dwelling on your disappointments and getting sucked into the black hole, remember you can choose happiness. A falling star may be burning up in the atmosphere, it may be disappearing or crashing into the ground, but think about how many people wish upon it, how many people admire and are inspired by it’s beauty.
So I’ll welcome the spinning and the reeling if it means I can experience the glittering effervescence.