On the wake of Taylor Swift’s badass Bad Blood music video world premiere, I can’t help but reflect on the friendships I’ve had with girls over my lifetime (and also how in the world all those ladies in the music video were so insanely fierce – like really, squad goals). I mean, I haven’t always had a lot of girl friends, because to be honest, we can be mean and I’m just not interested in all the backstabbing (which I’ve experienced plenty of) and drama (which, duh, we’ve all experienced plenty of).
After my high school years of only having one or two girl friends at a time (which was more than enough), I signed up for a job where I would be surrounded by girls all day every day.
And let me tell you. It was insane. It is insane still.
I’ve seen the situation so many times. You become BFF’s: you sit together in break rooms gossiping, throw the best themed house parties together, go shopping, go tanning, talk about life. But then all of a sudden one of those gossiping sessions is about another one of your friends, and you start to wonder does she ever talk about me like this? And then one day you find out she does.
And it’s all over after that. There’s no redeeming a friendship with a girl after she stabs you in the back. Boys may break your heart, but girls will cut you where it hurts the most and let you bleed.
Why does it have to be like that? Why can’t we just be on each other’s side? We have enough trouble as it is in the world. The media tells us we aren’t sexy enough, our economic system tells us we aren’t worth enough, and our education system tells us we aren’t smart enough. We get harassed by men physically and emotionally. So why, why, do we have to insist on tearing each other down too?
Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you I’ve never said a bad word about a fellow female. Obviously that isn’t true. I’m only human and I make snap judgements or I get hurt and angry and spew things I probably don’t mean. And I am genuinely sorry about it. But I’m just saying maybe we could all try to be a little nicer to each other.
It can be something small to start. Like complimenting that girl on her makeup that day, or telling her you love how she dresses, or that you think she’s hilarious. Those little things we think to ourselves but for some reason never share with people. I don’t know about you, but I love when a girl (even a girl I don’t know) gives me a compliment. Like, I worked hard on curling my hair just right today (just enough to look beach-y and Victoria’s Secret-y but not too messy), so thank you so much for noticing! Doesn’t that brighten your day when girls say things like that to you? So why don’t we do it for each other more often?
It could be something bigger than a compliment. It could be not talking badly about other girls. Which I know is easier said than done (and everyone deserves a good rant session within the safety of your BFF circle over margaritas). But I think this is super important in public places (i.e. work). It’s just not necessary. And let’s be honest, what you’re saying about her says more about you than of her. So be careful what you say to others. Because it turns out you might not get the reaction you’re hoping for.
I don’t know about you, but my initial reaction when I find out I’m about to be stabbed in the back is to want to argue and defend myself to everyone I know. I want to try to convince people that what those girls are saying isn’t true. But words have little meaning without actions. So, kill ’em with kindness. I’m not saying you need to be besties with the girl who stabbed you in the back or is spreading rumors about you, because that’s just not smart. I am saying to be nice to everyone she may be talking to. Not because you are trying to get people on your side (because we should all be on the same side), but because this is your chance to show people the real you. Don’t retaliate or retreat into your shell and hide yourself from the world because you’re afraid that some girl who is upset or insecure will go after you. Be yourself. Open your heart to people, let your warmth and stupid jokes and confidence radiate a room. People will either be drawn to you or they will hate you anyway.
And that’s okay too. If they do, you don’t need them. As Taylor says, if they live like that, they live with ghosts.
Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes, so don’t be the one firing shots at someone who has your back. We as girls should not be fighting in a war against each other.
We should be encouraging each other! (And we should also attempt to reach the level of badassery that Taylor and her squad have. Because I’ve never seen so many girls completely slay before).
So let’s be fierce young women. Let’s have each other’s back and not stab each other’s backs. And let’s rock a pair of stilettos and kick some major ass in the world.
Because who runs the world?